The Good
Luckily, I have witnessed some very talented young students. As their music teacher, I do what I can to nurture their budding talents, but there are some things that I just don't have the time or talent to teach. Take, for example, the 8 year old who played Beethoven's "Fur Elise." Not just the beginning section, but the whole thing. Flawlessly. From memory. I certainly didn't teach him that. Or the 10 year old (whose height and maturity made her appear much older) who choreographed her own modern dance complete with standard ballet maneuvers and acrobatics, all very nuanced and musically expressive. I certainly didn't teach her that. In fact, many of the Good talent show participants had the advantage of private lessons and dance classes. And I have marveled at their talents. But the ones that stand out are the ones who didn't have those advantages and still showcased wonderful talents that they had honed themselves.I remember a curious 5th grader who taught himself how to play the ocarina. By itself, that is an accomplishment. But he didn't stop there. Once he had figured out the ocarina, he taught himself how to play the melody of a popular song of the day. Pretty impressive. But he didn't stop there. He asked a girl in his class if she would like to dance to the song while he played. So she made up a lovely dance to go along with it. And they performed together and I got chills. On the opposite end of the spectrum, but just as satisfying, were the two boys who got together and did a comedy act that actually made me laugh out loud. I still remember one boy explaining the "ancient art of phrenology" (studying the bumps on your head) as he bonked his friend's head and then did a pretend "reading" of the resulting bumps. Ha! Ah yes, when children are left to their own devices, their creativity tends to shine through.
The Not So Good
But sometimes, children left to their own devices just aren't ready to perform in front of others. As a teacher, these are the ones who crush me. I really want them to do well. I really want to help them. But when 70 students are trying out for a one hour talent show, not everyone can be in it and a line has to be drawn. Sorry cute little girl, but lip syncing (in my humble opinion) is not really a talent worthy of the stage. Especially when you forget to move your lips half of the time. And just stand there. Maybe next year we can work on actually singing. I've heard you sing in music class. You can do it! And boys, that rap you made up about McDonald's is just fine, but your rhythm was all over the place and you forgot the words. Twice. Keep on practicing and try again next year.And the, um, Really?
And then there are those memorable talents that, for one reason or another, despite their best efforts, fell into a category of their own. Needless to say, most of these didn't make it to the stage (although there are a couple that did and I take absolutely no responsibility for those decisions - more on that later) and for good, sometimes laughable, reason. Now, don't think me unkind, but some of these delusions of grandeur still make me chuckle. I'm sure these students have gotten over it and would laugh too, especially considering of they are, by now, 20-something men and women.Ah, yes. My first Talent Show as a teacher was some fifteen years ago. The veteran music teacher I worked with schooled me in how to put the whole thing together, including having other teachers help with the judging so we wouldn't have to bear sole responsibility for disappointing little would-be stars. It was all very clear, no fuss and, in the end, easy to decide who would be in the actual show. But when someone else was running the show, the results sometimes went a bit awry.
Witness Jimmy the Finger Bender. At least that is how I will forever remember him. I take no responsibility for allowing him to "perform" in the epic talent show coordinated by a colleague whose thought was, "If they're brave enough to try out, they should be in the show." Well, sure, maybe, sort of. So, Jimmy was given permission to bend his thumbs all the way back to his forearms, grossing out the Kindergarteners in the front row, while that music teacher wryly played "Get Back" by the Beatles as background music. Had I been in charge, I would have told Jimmy that being double jointed, while a curiosity, is not really a talent.
One year, the PTA of my school decided to host a talent show. I'm not quite sure how it was all put together, but rather than select the talent, I was asked to be the emcee. I was happy to do so and stood pleasantly by as one act after the other took the stage after my spirited introductions. Then the group of three girls took the stage for their dance. Now, picture this: three girls dressed in black tights and knee-length dresses, hair pulled back into pony tails, very slick. Two of the girls are a full head or more taller than the third. The took their place on stage, centered and slightly toward the back, the smaller girl sandwiched between the others. They had obviously practiced, right? Cue the music. They waited a few beats, then began. Oh, did I forget to mention that they were wearing tap shoes? Yes, they were. They started walking forward. Click click click click. Then backward. Click click click click. Over and over and over and over. Click click click click. But as the routine wore on, they began to get out of sync. Cl-click. Ick-click. Lick-cli-cl. Cl-lick. Then came the Big Move: the group stopped and the two taller girls formed a bridge with their arms. The smaller girl walked behind them and did a sort of "fall of trust" into their arms. The two taller girls then flipped the smaller one over and her heels loudly hit the stage: CLICK CLONK! It wasn't that graceful but at least no one was hurt. And then, back to the clickety-clack. End scene. This might have been more successful if not for the tap shoes.
Like I said, I take no responsibility for those acts since I had no hand in selecting them. If I had, I would have found a way to let them down easy or work with them on their act so it would be performance ready come show time. But there are others that I did bear witness to and, mercifully, kept from embarrassing themselves in front of an audience.
I was part of the team of judges that included the other music teacher, one of the PE teachers and the school counselor. A fourth grade girl was called into the room for her tryout. We asked her what she was going to do. She told us that she was going to sing the pledge. I was a bit confused, since we normally speak the Pledge of Allegiance and sing the Star Spangled Banner, but maybe she was equally confused due to her nerves. She proceeded to start reciting the Pledge of Allegiance at warp speed, slowing down midway through to bend on one knee to tie her shoe and finish with a flourish, standing up on the word "all." Thank you. Next!
By far the most memorable audition featured a group of girls doing a dance. To give you context, the Back Street Boys were popular then. And these 5th graders were in love with them. And watched their videos all the time. So I'm sure, to them, it seemed natural to do the dance from the video. Cue the music. Standing side by side, the girls began their dance which, at first, seemed pretty routine: lots of interpretive hand motions and mostly step-touch in place. As the routine wore on, it became clear that four of the five girls had practiced together. They were fairly well synchronized and knew what they were doing. But the fifth girl, on the stage left end, had obviously been a last minute add on. She kept looking over at the girls next to her, copying their moves a split second later and doing her best to keep up. It was nothing that couldn't be fixed with a little practice. Then came the big move. After all of that step-touching, we were to be wowed with a turn-2-3-clap that became a highlight of the dance. But not for the reason they intended. Four girls started to move to their right: Turn-2-3....The fifth girl started to move to her left: Turn--2-3....and CRASH! Then three girls continued: Turn-2-3-clap! And two girls picked themselves up and tried to get back into the routine. Meanwhile, stunned and, admittedly amused by this turn of events, all I could do was look down at the paper on my desk, trying to avoid further eye contact with the doomed quintet of dancers. I felt my face turning red as I tried to stifle the laughter that was building up inside of me. And then, to make it even more unbearable, the PE teacher leaned over to me and snidely said, "Mr. D., you might miss something." Teachers are awful! In that moment, I felt my shoulders bobbing up and down as a small snort escaped my mouth. We all clapped appreciatively for the girls who, to their credit, finished their routine and knew that all were bets were off.
Is there a Talent Show in my future? Probably. Though I have mixed feelings about them, I understand that students and parents enjoy them so I will probably have little choice in the matter. All I can do is try my best to nurture my students' talents and remind them that one of the most important aspects of any show is the audience!
